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Is your life really falling apart? By Lakeitha Simmons
After nine years, my husband, who is admittedly the one who is the source of the pain in our relationship, says to me, ‘I think we should separate.’ I must tell you that he has impeccable timing. I am four months pregnant with our second child. You read that correctly; our second child. My daughter is 17 months old and has only stopped nursing because I am no longer producing milk as I grow my second child. I am still pursuing my BA and have not worked in over a year. To say that our financial state is not good would be an understatement. Take all of this into account and he wants to separate. I will be a single mother with two children. Beautiful.
I must tell you that I did not originally have this peachy an attitude about the whole situation. I was angrier than I ever thought possible. How could he do this to me!?! I deserve better than this! His life should be falling apart, not mine. Then, I had a pity party complete with, ‘Woe is me. What am I going to do? How will we survive? Who will want me now? Who is going to want to raise some other man’s children?’ Oh it was a BIG party. I invited every victim mentality I knew.
One day, a friend asked me to examine this situation for the good in it. ‘Well, there has to be some good here’, I thought. Nothing that ever happens is all bad. So, I sat down to create my list of good things and found myself in deep detached thought about the whole situation. I looked at myself and the situation without interference from my fragile emotional attachments and was surprised by what I found, though I shouldn’t have been.
For nine years, I have continually and consistently been hyper vigilant about my feelings in reference to this particular relationship. I was constantly looking for the next wrong and the next pain that he would cause for me. Time and time again, I found exactly what I was looking for. Yes, there were times when he was completely innocent and I was only slightly relieved at these times as I knew that there would be a new offense. Lo and behold, there always was.
What I came to realize is that I brought all of this upon myself. No, I’m not saying that my husband is totally innocent in this situation. However, with a different attitude, maybe he would have been heaping this pain upon someone else and I would have been enjoying the love and respect that I so rightly deserve. Our thoughts and words create our realities. As I was snooping through his various accounts and regaling all of my friends and anyone else who would listen with his latest wrong, I was simply creating more of that in my life for myself. Each word we speak is a prayer. Here I was offering prayers of catching him in all of his indiscretions.
I thought my life was falling apart. After much introspection and guidance, I have realized that my prayers were actually being answered. I wanted out of this painful situation and I talked and thought about how much I wanted out and how he has done me wrong daily. I didn’t have any idea or specific demands about how I wanted this to happen so God answered my prayer in the way He saw fit. I now rest in the knowledge that my life is not falling apart but coming together and that prayers are always answered. Maybe you’ve just lost a job, your car or the love of your life. Go ahead and mourn your loss. Then, ask yourself, “Is my life falling apart or are my prayers being answered?”
LaKeitha Simmons is a wellbeing coach for women who want to live divinely. She supports women and teens in uncovering and living their wildest dreams. For more information, please visit www.breathingprosperity.com or e-mail lakeitha@breathingprosperity.com. |
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