The Breathing Prosperity blog

Part of growing up and standing on one’s own two feet lies in feeling a sense of responsibility; for one’s choices, circumstances, and life in general. Pulling up the bootstraps and saying ‘OK, no matter what has gone before, my life’s results are up to me,’ is just part of being a fully functioning adult.

Moving further along and discovering the personal development path, many take the concept of self-resonsibility even deeper. We learn that our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes create our circumstances, and we begin to explore the ways in which we actually affect the world around us. Learning, acknowledging and even changing the way we affect things and people around us is an important step, but the question for today is: is it possible to feel TOO much responsibility?

As food for thought, I offer a personal example which brought me to this question (and my own answer) today while I was contemplating it. My parents, who love each other very much, were fighting…it wasn’t an all-out fight but a war of no words and cold shoulders, and it made me extremely uncomfortable. After talking with both of them and wishing them luck, I was left wondering why a rift between two other people would leave me feeling so uncomfortable and sad. I often find myself deeply affected by conflict, and I am definitely in the habit of trying to ’solve’ things for people when I see they are unhappy or not getting along. As I think back, I see that this has been a pattern in my life…whenever there is conflict, whether I personally am in the middle of it or not, I feel uncomfortable and I try and ‘make it better.’

As I have grown, I have developed the habit of asking myself how I have contributed to any conflict I am involved in; what have I been doing that has caused this, or attracted it to me?  This sense of responsibility has moved me far into the life of my dreams, as it enabled me to sit in the driver’s seat of my own life. I think it is generally a good trait, and I have been proud of myself and frustrated when others lack it.

Getting back to the question…for some reason I made a new decision today to leave my parents to their tiff and just ‘never mind.’ It’s their business, I thought, and they are adults making their own choices. BINGO! Those two phrases hit me like lightning, with the realization that I had not been giving people - or myself - these two acknowledgements. Follow me through this point, because it’s really important and I felt a huge sense of growth and freedom when I internalized this insight today:

1) It’s their business:  What a relief! I somehow feel responsible even when people I care about are experiencing conflict. I have spent a lot of time learning that what other people think of me is none of my business, but somehow never applied the lesson the other side of the coin. It’s not that I’m butting in to others’ lives when I try to soothe feelings, but at the same time, I feel a remarkable sense of giddiness in realizing it’s really none of my business.

2) They are adults and they’re making their own choices: This is a bit of an expansion on point number one. My feelings of discomfort have come from judging situations as wrong: I had never thought of this before. In being so concerned, I was almost babying my parents and not allowing them to make their own choices. They want to fight? Let them fight! It’s OK. Again, I feel a great sense of relief.

This is a valuable insight for me, and will affect my life in profound ways. Some of you may already know this, but for those who don’t, I hope my sharing will provoke a little introspection. It’s been quite liberating, and anyone who wants to create and follow their own path in life definitely needs to feel liberated!

Tags: happiness, insight, Personal Development, personal growth, prosperity